Saturday, April 19, 2008

Eye Hate You

If somebody could be calm, then why can't you?

Yes, I couldn't understand why panicking is a favorite response of some impulsive hot-tempered individuals. It is a devastating feeling that raises your blood pressure, increases your wrinkles, pounds your heart hard, get your head aches, increases your physical age ,while shortening your life span.

If you want to die soon, get mad everyday. Curse the world as you want. Never wake up smiling. Hate every person that crosses your way. Envy the rich, famous and pretty. And the worst, drop your faith carelessly.

Writing about these persons add lines on my forehead. I may not be affected by this unfortunate attitude, but they are not helping those persons whose emotional quotient is quite low. They are not good, or doesn't even know how to boost up ones confidence and hopes.

If you can't live your life happily, then so be it. Just don't give the merry beings the thought to live like yours. Thank You!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Eye Love You

Boy craze! It's stupid, but it's not a total bullcrap. I'm not a teenybopper. I am 22 years old. I am old. I could not even got in crushing a boy band. My days ended smirking with that boy-next-door. Done with the sweet valley high. Old enough to say I crush you, just in time to say "Eye Love You".

Struggling with my age related theory of Intimacy VS. Isolation, I am in the "VS". Cannot even decide where to be siding. Maybe because the man that I am spotting is still wandering with his own insecurities. It can never be fair for me to have him, with his mind out there seeking who he is. I'd waited. And I can still wait. If you're home with me after a couple of years, then I'll be fine. If not, it can be awful at first. But time heals. And waiting is involuntary. Subconscious is doing an over time. Fairy tales were never wholly fiction.

Love had never been stupid. Lovers had never been blind. It is just that "Eye Love You" had been use at the wrong time, at the wrong place or even with the wrong person.

Eye-ing to a Dream

I made it with a single hit. And thanking God is not enough to repay for His Goodness. Fixing my life as well, is the best offer i could give. Dear God, I may not be your perfect daughter. But I am striving to flourish with all these imperfections. There are a lot of people praying for these gifts. Not all of them were granted in a single snap. But you answered mine, with my single hit. Passing the Local Board, CGFNS and IELTS in a first take, is not really my dream. Because I am not expecting to pass all of these in a single shot. But I did. I took CGFNS and IELTS this March, with two weeks interval. That time I was expecting, one of it will fail. But you are just so kind! You are the best.

I am not ashamed that i only got 79.5% on my local board. I am proud of it, though it hasn't reach the 80%. The point is I passed. And I promised to myself, I will be good with my International Exams! I got a score of 539 in my CGFNS examination and a Bandscore of 7 with my IELTS. With all the blessings, I could not even rest in my Lawrence.

Euphoria is a temporary feeling for me. I still have my NCLEX Examination. Working double time is not a sacrifice, but an endearing perseverance to repay all HIS Goodness.

I Want Eyebags

I envy those who have "puffy-purplish-baggy-under-eye" extra asset. I never had one, and my obsession escalates every time i see one. I see toddlers having their mini eye bags at an early age. Craving for eyebags may not be the usual, but i don't see any abnormalities on it. Hey I just want them!! Do my chinky eyes don't have the right to own one??? Can anybody answer me??

Obsession number 2: Can I have hairs under my armpit? This is weird, growing into puberty without any reasons to shave, wax, or even struggle with tweezers under my armpit. During PE classes, i peep underneath my classmates undershirts everytime we change into our PE uniforms. God I see hairs from them, but how about mine? I see..nah..boring. I just don't have any. It sucks, how could this be happening? My mom and dad had it! My brothers also had plenty of it! After 22 years of wondering, my mom answered me. With all honesty. My daughter, you're an orphan. What? My heart starts to pound. Mini-tear-balls collected and started draining one by one. And now I am beginning to write a fiction beyond the reality, that I don't have hairs underneath my armpit.

To crap things simply, both of my grandmothers (father and mother side) don't have any hair underneath their armpit. Now I get it.

Simply indifferent to like the unlikable. But how can I resist? I am only human, craving beyond what I am, and what I have. Dwelling in my human instinct.